Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Your lipstick totally brings out the colour of your L'Oreal 'Black Cherry' stained scalp!

I wouldn't be smiling if my hair looked like that, either.
Oh my actual and literal GOD, I just love the 'vintage' scarf which you tied imaginatively around your head and those sepia photographs of your guitar, you're so totally Indie...
I realised that after my last blog I sounded hideously cynical and bitter, so I thought this week I'd ... retain that positive attitude - nothing like a nice bit of continuity after all! Today's rant is one which I felt so strongly about that I presented it to the school in a speech for my Head Girl application. The topic?
'Indie' kids.
Don't be fooled by the name y'all, this rapidly growing generation of people is easy to spot. Counter-intuitively to what one might expect of these 'independent' 'individuals', being 'Indie' seems to involve conforming to a massive stereotype. Before I go any further, I'd just like to clarify that I don't have a problem with people who embrace their genuine individuality. My main issue is with the countless teenage girls who spend hours backcombing their maroon dip-dyed hair before grabbing their guitars, donning some really individual main brand, high-street clothing or T-shirts supporting bands they've never really listened to and heading into a field to take pictures of themselves on polaroid cameras. It's not even the fact that they do this which annoys me, it's the fact they do it because they think they're being DIFFERENT and actually classify themselves as being 'Indie'. Surely, in making a conscious effort to follow a common image *Cue big glasses and several more cans of hairspray* you are defeating the object of being your own person; instead of going against the mainstream, you are joining it?!
So ladies, don your shiny new brogues, grab your sepia photographs of your latest eyeliner tattoo with a soft focus background of an ethereal forest (the tree in your back garden), dye your hair imaginative shades of maroon, burgundy or purple, button your shirts all the way up till you're verging on Edwardian spinster, tie your buns so high that your centre of gravity shifts, pull up your expensive topshop ankle socks (which you definitely could have bought from Tesco) and grab your sharpies to deface your bedroom walls with painfully meaningful lyrics. BUT DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE BEING DIFFERENT. Just put down the 'vintage' M&S jumper that your grandfather died in, and have a little think...
  • OMG I love the sexy 'I'm constricting my breathing but I don't care' look you've achieved with your high-necked shirt.
  • OMG your white ankle socks really complement your knees.
  • OMG those oversized glasses which don't actually contain prescription lenses really bring out your astigmatism.
  • OMG I'm totally digging your central parting. 

Really, you're just emulating the unfortunate calculator-bashing, Tolstoy-reading, daylight-deprived virgin which every school contains. Sexy, huh?

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