Monday, 6 February 2012

Un petit peu about moi

Where to start?! Well, I'm 5'10" and blonde. I'm an avid gym member and when I'm not working out, planning orgies with Abercrombie and Fitch models or drinking wheat-germ smoothies I'm a super-model. You can call me Miss Universe 2012.
According to the above I'm also a pathological liar. Literally everything I just said was untrue...but seriously, if you want to call me Miss Universe you're more than welcome to - otherwise call me Charlotte, or Lottie, or Dave. But not Charlie. Never Charlie. (Unless you're truly special to me...which you aren't.)
I lead a fulfilling life, dodging salad and exercise, fuelling my cake and beer habits and learning long words to crack out during awkward silences. I have acquired many useful life skills over the years, such as being able to type 'antidisestablishmentarianism' with my eyes closed, saying phrases like 'get down now' in a Northern Irish accent and getting an A* in Latin GCSE. One day I hope to learn to do something genuinely useful, like speaking French fluently, eradicating people who intentionally try to be 'Indie' or whistling with my fingers in my mouth. My hobbies include singing, shouting at inanimate objects, singing, making a tit out of myself, singing, sleeping at inappropriate moments, singing, exploring different ways of shouting 'wanker' at fellow drivers, singing, finding objects to stand on so that 12 year olds don't appear taller than me and occasionally doing several of these things at once....
Hopefully after reading my blog you will realise that there will always be someone, somewhere (namely me) who will make you feel better about yourself, because, let's face it there's nothing more depressing than being ID'd when buying 'St Trinian's 2' (certificate '12'). I like to think, however, that I've grown up a lot since then (obviously not literally, I frequently get asked whether I have a growth defect).
If you took the time to read this, then I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for being bored bollockless on my behalf...If you didn't bother reading this, then, RUDE. (Not that you'd have read that anyway you rude individuals, but feel my wrath, nonetheless.)


  1. Pfffttt hehe, I remember the St. Trinian's 2 episode. I possibly could have wee'd a little bit it was so funny. xox

  2. Please post some more stuff!!! you're hilarious xx

  3. S'alright Soph.. she actually did wee on my old school wall.
    Lotts, this is hilarious. I do love you <3

  4. I kind of think that I am really going to enjoy this blog......

    I just love the usual Lottie wit or is it whit?? Who cares, I love it!! xx

  5. Thank you Colette!! If only I had more to write about... Xx